hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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