I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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