Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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