i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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