I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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