i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
