Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Those nachos came to me in a dream
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
