So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
