someone threw a dead crab at me
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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