New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
