There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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