You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
