This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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