Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
