I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
