I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
