Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
