I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
