This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
