So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
