You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
