well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
