I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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