if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
