I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
