friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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