It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
