easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
