4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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