wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
