I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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