I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
