what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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