Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
