Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
