i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
