true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Barsexuality is the new black.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
