...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
