I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
