$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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