If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
