I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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