Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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