I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
