Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
