but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
