BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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