i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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