All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
and she was petting her beer can
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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