Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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