How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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