hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
