Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
